Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Episode 1: Awakening

I can still remember my first day on the train. Nothing before it, of course, but the day itself is clear as crystal.
I woke up in car #139 gazing at my feet. My socks were clean, my pants pressed, and my shirt starched. I awoke fully clothed without any recollection of how I got there. I would later find out the details of how I boarded, but at the time I had no idea. I should have felt confused--that much I knew--but I didn't.
I got up with ease, and felt the habit of stretching returning from somewhere far away, but I didn't do that either. I got up without a yawn or a stretch or a search for coffee. The train car was small, about eight feet by five, housing a small bed and a seat by the window. There was a thick, pressing fog outside, and I could see nothing except the tracks that disappeared one after another beneath us. I assumed there would be bathrooms and food somewhere else on the train. The door of the room was a sliding one, with a brass handle and a frosted window so that I couldn't see outside of it, either. Lacking the apprehension that I thought I should be feeling, I reached for the door and turned the handle. It slid open without a sound.
The hallway was dimly lit by candles along the wall, trying in vain to combat the gloom of the outdoor world. Along its center ran a plush burgundy rug, thick and soft beneath my shoeless feet. The air was clear, if a little stale. This was the train. This was car #139.
A man approached then, muttering to himself. He was tall, with high shoulders and a pronounced nose that canopied a thin mustache. His dark hair was covered by a small red cap, which matched the uniform he was sporting. He was checking a small golden time piece when he stopped suddenly, noticing me for the first time. He scrutinized the watch once more then glared at me, mumbling under his breath.
"You're early," he said simply, assuming that I would know what he was talking about. I gave him a blank look as he stuffed the watch into his pocket. "Well, welcome, I guess, even though you're really not, but welcome all the same."
I couldn't answer for a few seconds, unable to find my voice. I had to work my tongue, urge the sounds up from my throat, until I managed a meek, "Thanks."
He stared at me, reaching up and twisting his mustache, and said, "Right. You'd think I'd be used to this whole 'new guy' thing by now. All the same," and now he turned on his heel, talking to me over his shoulder, "come along now."

6 comments:

  1. Oh wow!! Very eerie. If I woke up in a place I had never been before I think I would be a little more worried about how I had gotten there! Well the suspense it killing me, I'm going to read the next post!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think this is an interesting premise. It's fun reading those stories where the protagonist has memory loss because you get to experience the same sort of reaction as them when they regain some aspect of their memory. This really reminds me of those room escape games. They usually start out with the character losing their memory and they're stuck in some room for absolutely no goddamn reason. (And it's always impossible to escape.) Anyway, it sounds fascinating and I can't wait to read more. One question I guess is how did you get the idea for this? What inspired you?

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is a very intriguing start to your story, definately leaves me hanging and makes me want to read more. I like your "voice" - it really sets the tone for the story and you've set up a great atmosphere. It's very descriptive writing - I have no trouble picturing the traincar. And it's nice to have a change from all the informational blogs. Well done :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. It's pretty evident that you are an experienced writer considering the way you quickly and effectively developed the setting and plot to start this story. As others have said this is an intriguing start to the story, one which reminds me of a number of different things but none too closely. I am very interested to see what direction you take this and only hope that this time frame is enough to permit you to finish this story. Because even from the first post I want to read this through to the end.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The feedback is much appreciated, and I'm not sure if we're supposed to answer the comments but I'd like to.
    This was a short story idea I had a couple months ago but never acted on--then, when Mrs. Mickie suggested a web series, I figured it was the perfect time to act on it. I'd like to make it sort of interactive, so if you guys have any suggestions by all means shoot them my way.
    Renee you ask in another comment if I've got it all written out, and the answer is no. I have a few episodes written, but I didn't start writing them until this assignment.
    As far as character development, it's coming--it's all part of the plot--and as far as length of posts, I was trying to keep them less for you guys more than anything. If you're enjoying them though, I'll slowly start to beef them up (for consistency's sake).

    Thanks a lot guys!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aha that's so considerate! But I wouldn't complain about longer posts, this is so fun to read, I can't wait for wednesday

      Delete