The next cars in the train
were the same as my own: the carpet, the lighting, the frosted glass.
This didn't surprise me; the fact that they were all so well kept,
however, did. The carpet didn't appear trodden, the candles showed no
evidence of having burned. This crossed my mind with faint interest,
but not enough to investigate. I followed the attendant,
his red cap bobbing along as he walked. He passed easily through the
doors, not missing a step as he opened them before us. Obviously he
was not new to this. He looked at his watch occasionally as we
walked, scrunching up his face as he peered over the crook of his
nose.
After some time we emerged into a larger
car that must have been the dining cart. There were tables seating
four with white table cloths and the same hallway candles,
all uniform in length. They didn't seem to provide much light, either;
indeed, they seemed to only add a glow to the fog of the room.
The patrons in the room sat across from
one another chattering idly. No one had plates in front of them,
though; perhaps dinner hadn't been served yet. The people were dressed in every way you could imagine from football uniforms to suits to
nothing at all. This, too, registered some faint interest. As we
walked, the buffet emerged from the darkness in the far corner of the room. A man
stood behind it with an apron and chef's hat, but there was no food to choose
from. He smiled from behind some gold-rimmed glasses, muttering and
chuckling to himself quietly. We continued.
Finally my escort halted at a table. There was a woman there smiling absently,
pleasantly, gazing at the candle. She had a long, grey evening
gown on, and her hair suggested that she had just rolled out of bed.
The attendant turned to me, extending a hand toward the chair across
from her. I sat without question. He turned and walked off without a
word.
The woman didn't say anything until a
waiter approached the table and set a menu in front of me. I reached
forward to open it, and she said, without taking her eyes off the dim
glow of the flame, “Don't be silly.”
Is this all a delusion? Is he going crazy? Is this world real? Who is this woman? Is there no food in this place? OMG WHO AM I?! I must read on!
ReplyDeleteThis is so mysterious haha I love it. I bet he's actually dead, that's my prediction, the train is some kind of afterlife thing and everyone is dead. I'm getting a Hotel California kind of vibe from this post... (Don't laugh at me too much if I'm way off.)
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I would criticize is that each post is so short! I feel like I've just begun reading and then it's over, right when I'm really starting to get sucked into it. Obviously they can't be too long, but I feel like maybe they should be a paragraph or two longer, just to make more of a lasting impresion on the reader. That's entirely your choice though since it's your story.
So far all the story has done is create new questions and answer none and I for one am not complaining. There is clearly some clever thinking behind this story which makes me want to read on and see what other twists and turns arise. I would agree that the posts may be too short, but it is only because I don't want to stop reading.
ReplyDeleteI don't think the posts are too short since you're posting two parts each week. It's actually quite long. Usually web series only get one big update once a week, so this length is fine.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, the story is great. The first few posts hooks the reader in because it raises so many questions. Hence, we have to stick around to have them answered. Hook, line and sinker.